she's home

Well let's see now.  Where did we leave off?  77 days were spent watching over our baby girl in the hospital - 6 weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit five hours away and another 5 weeks in the nursery at our home hospital.  And really, it all feels so long ago, now that our Lauren Rosie is home.  She received wonderful care and we were so grateful for the careful decisions and plans set out each day to bring Lauren through those weeks when she should have been safely tucked inside the womb.  She pulled through amazingly well.

Those weeks were emotionally challenging, to say the least, as we impatiently waited for her complete delivery to us.  My mind understood the limitations forced on us, but the heart and the body just don't catch on so easily.  While we quickly found our rhythm in the hospital amongst the medical equipment and new terminology, the task of leaving Lauren behind every night never felt normal or right.  I felt guilty during the hours we rested away from her and the sadness of not fully having her yet and seeing her tiny body struggling to grow and survive felt so big.  On the other hand, I wrestled with feeling guilty about my sadness because there were far more families whose babies had much greater challenges and families whose grief will last a lifetime.   

Our weeks in our home hospital were dedicated to teaching her to feed, waiting for her to have the stamina to handle a full feed without the need to top up by nasogastric feeding, and letting her grow a little stronger and bigger to see less and less apnea spells.  It was a draining and challenging environment - harsh lights, noisy conversations, very little space, and no privacy.  Definitely not an ideal place to wrangle the art of breastfeeding a newborn.  We were grateful to have her on home turf at least, but the pull to get her home where she belonged was greater than ever in that last stretch.   

Two days before we brought her home she was finally freed of tubes and wires.  Off the monitors and feeding by breast or bottle without any top ups by tube feeds.  We finally held her without the tangle and dance of cords getting in the way.  She passed her car-seat challenge.  She received her last check up with her Paedeatrician.  She received a small boost of protective vaccinations.  One last weigh in - 7.17 lbs.  Vision test - check.  Hearing test - check.  Nervous parents?  Not by that point.  We had waited far too long.  

And then we got to bring her home.  She was finally ours for keeps.  

The girls have loved her every minute.  We worried they might resent their tiny sister for taking us away for so long, but they haven't shown the slightest ill temper toward the new arrival in our lives.  They love her to pieces.  Avery is maturing into her role of biggest sister by helping us any way she can and Ella just can't get enough of that soft little sister.

We celebrated Easter and her due date with grateful hearts.  We don't know why she came early and we don't know why she was spared the difficulties that could have been, so we just thank God.

Our baby girl is home - happy and healthy, pink and plump.  She's about 6.5 months old now and a whopping 14 pounds.  Developmentally, both physically and mentally, she's measuring around what you'd expect of a 3-4 month old baby, which is what she would be had she arrived on her due date.  The care and prayers we received from family and friends, farther and wider than our own circles, impressed on our hearts such a deep sense of peace.  We felt released to care for Lauren the only way we knew how - to be by her side and hold her close to our skin as much as possible.  Thank you to those who cared for us and prayed for Lauren!  She is fearfully and wonderfully made, guarded and protected, and is so well loved.

she's here

Lauren Rosie

Born on January 21st at 2:26pm

2lbs 12 oz and 15" long

12.5 weeks early

Our baby girl made her way into this world a couple weeks ago, on what started as a very normal Tuesday morning, twelve and a half weeks before we were expecting her.  It was a day full of unwelcome surprise, and fear, and riding a very fast paced roller-coaster as her arrival quickly appeared imminent and we were suddenly attended to by a team of 14 doctors, nurses, and paediatric specialists.  Within an hour of her eventful delivery, we were whisked away by plane to a children's hospital five hours from home, and here we are today.  

Lauren's journey will seem long as she develops and gains strength outside the womb, but we are filled with hope and know that she is in the best care possible.  We're finding our groove amongst the staff and families in the NICU, learning what role we are to play over the next few months as we wait patiently for her complete delivery to us.  

Our hearts ache for our girls back home (thankfully in the loving care of Gramma and Grampa), for the unexpected loss of what our hearts and bodies would normally expect, and for the struggle we see in our tiny daughter, given to us a little too soon.  But we feel the comfort of Christ in hearing good reports about her development, in receiving a bounty of loving support from family and friends and church, and in feeling her tiny legs kicking, her little chest breathing, her little eyes opening (just for a moment or two).

Welcome to our family, dear baby daughter.

2013 book list

The page dedicated to 2013 in my 'Books Read' notebook was a little sparse this year, but I enjoyed a pretty fun bunch of reads and I can't complain of time wasted over dull words.  I have to confess that I technically finished Small Island once the year had finished, but I was so close and 12 books sounds much more impressive than 11, right?  My 2013 Book List:

Through Windows - Trudy Peters (poetry collection by my mom!)
Secret Daughter - Shilpi Somaya Gowda
Dinner: A Love Story - Jenny Rosenstrach (a cookbook, yes, but I read it)
A Student of Weather - Elizabeth Hay
Garlic and Sapphires - Ruth Reichl
The Sisters Brothers - Patrick DeWitt
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day - Winifred Watson
Chocolat - Joanne Harris
Leaning, Leaning Over Water - Francis Itani
An Irish Country Doctor - Patrick Taylor
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger (2nd time)
Small Island - Andrea Levy

My time was spent with fabric, felt, needle and thread, much more than books this year.  

So, let's talk about what I accomplished there, yes?  In 2013 I managed to make and sell 89 handmade dolls, 49 of which were custom designed by customers, and 40 were my own creations posted as general shop stock.  I sold 7 sets of baby bibs and 1 felt pasta set.  There is now one lonely bear sitting in my shop cupboard reminding me to get back to work and start making again.  It was nice to take a break over Christmas, to give myself the space to work on handmade gifts for family, but the fabric piles are coming back out.

There's much to look forward to in this new year - and much to still be discovered!  Happy New Year!